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"It is with great pleasure that I introduce the next football coach at Clemson university, Dabo Swinney."
"I'm sorry did you say Dabo?"
"What is he a 9 year old?"
After suffering his second straight defeat to instate rival USC, Dabo Swinney is walking along the S.C. coast line one morning. When he suddenly walks upon a strange bottle with Arabian symbols on it. Inside of the bottle a voice says, "Let me out & I'll grant you "1" wish." Dabo releases the jinni who says, "Your wish is my command." Dabo tells him, "You see, I'm a football coach at one of the universities here in this state." "And I've just suffered my second embarrassing blow out loss to my rival.
Plus, I had a losing season, & my job may be on the line. I want things to return to the way they were in the glory days of the 80's at Clemson, & I want to be a winning coach like my in state rival "Steve Spurrier." "So my wish is to become a winning college football coach, just like Steve Spurrier!" With a shocked look the jinni quickly turns into a cloud of smoke & "POOF" returns into his bottle. Stunned, Dabo shouts into the bottle, "HEY JINNI, COME BACK OUT OF THERE!" "YOU HAVEN'T GRANTED MY WISH YET!"
The jinni speaks through the bottle & says, "I known who you are, you're that looser Dabo Swinney!" "You're not asking for a wish, you're asking for the greatest miracle in the history of the universe!" "Hey, we jinni's do have our limitations you know!"
How do you know a Tater has been in your yard?
The trash cans are knocked over and your dog is pregnant.
"You’re either a block-gobbler, a farmer, or you’re a damn hunter and playmaker."
Everybody knows that a Tater fan's biggest fear is that Carolina will become the dominant football program in the state, but do you know what their second biggest fear is?
That God will give cattle and sheep the ability to speak.
There's a Georgia fan, Tennessee fan, Carolina fan & Clemson fan on a charter flight with thier families when trouble strikes the aircraft...Over the radio, the pilot advises that the left engine has blown, and the plane must shed excess weight in order for the passengers to survive.
Instinctively, the Georgia fan quickly stands, kisses his kids, shouts "GO DAWGS!!!" & jumps out of the plane.
The Tenneessee fan, still shocked, embraces his family, yells "GO VOLS!!!!" and exits the aircraft.
The Carolina fan, certain of the gravity of the situation, rises proudly, hugs his kids, screams "GOOOOOO COCKS!!!" and pushes the Clemson fan out of the plane.
"Remember whose side you're on, regardless of the outcome."
The police found a man's body floating in the river. They determined that the man had been drinking heavily before he died. He was wearing black fishnet stockings, a garter belt and a Clemson T-shirt.
To protect the man's family from extreme embarrassment, they did not tell tell the press that the man had a Clemson T-shirt on at the time of his death.
its a tie between Tahj Boyd and Dabo Swinney
I'd rather have a sister in a cathouse than a daughter at Clemson....
Little Johnny is at his first day of kindergarten. The teacher is going around the room asking kids "What's your name? Where does your daddy work?" As she goes around the room, she's getting pretty typical responses....banker....carpenter....cook....etc. She gets to Johnny and asks him.
He says...."Well....my dad....he ....um......ummmm.... my dad is a stripper. He dances naked for money and will have sex for the right price." The teacher is shocked. She takes him out in the hallway.
"Is there anything you want to tell me Johnny? do you feel safe at home?"
"Yes ma'am. I just had to lie in there. My dad is really a coach at clemson."
follow me on twitter and instagram
**** I'm not an insider, I just live here ****
Two Clemson guys go to the beach for a big weekend of action. The first day, they get no attention from the girls; however, they see two USC guys, each with a beautiful girl on their arm. At the end of the day, the Clemson guys summon the courage to approach the USC guys and ask what the Clemson guys can do to attact girls.
The USC guys look over the Clemson guys and say "next time, put a potato in your bathing suit". The Clemson guys look at each other and decide it is worth a try. The next day, not only do they NOT get anywhere with the girls, the girls are actually RUNNING AWAY and SCREAMING at the Clemson guys. They find the USC guys at the end of the day and ask, "What is it?? We did just what you said and even put a potato in our bathingsuit. Why can't we get girls?"
The USC guys looked at the Clemson guys again and said-- "Next time, but the potato in the FRONT!"
how do you separate the men from the livestock in Clemson
With a crowbar
I have come here to chew bubble gum and kick ass, and I am all out of bubble gum.
...all dirt roads lead to clemson...
(my dad had this bumper sticker a few years back)
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